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How to be an Obnoxious Blowhard Like Bill O'Reilly of Fox News

Being an obnoxious blowhard just plain comes easy to some folk. Whether it's a discussion about politics, religion, culture, or current events, some folks know it all, say it all, and want everyone to know that they know it all. However, some folks have to work very hard to get this type of behavior down pat. But it is possible. Just follow these simple steps and you will be on your way to being another Bill O'Reilly, the reigning king of obnoxious blowhards!

Things You'll Need

  • Massive Ego
  • Holier-Than-Attitude
  • Bully Mentality
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Instructions

    • 1

      Bask in Your Lofty Intellect - Immerse yourself in the comfort of knowing that your intellect is way off the charts. You are smart, witty, and as sharp as a tack; nobody can hold a candle to you in the brains department. But not everyone knows that; your job is to pound it into them! Hold that head up high and let everyone know that you are IT!

    • 2

      Raise that Voice - Occasionally, you will actually be faced with a poor, deluded soul who thinks he/she is your equal. You must take swift action when confronted with this type of person. This type of person is dangerous(and obviously mentally confused). Shout, Yell, and Fume - turn red if you have to and let those neck veins bulge - but make he/she sorry they ever tried to duel with you in the first place.

    • 3

      Never Admit Being Wrong - Once in a while, there's a small chance that you might actually be wrong about something, whether it's a political issue or an important fact of some kind. Although this is a very isolated situation, you must never publicly admit when you are wrong. Instead, blame your error on misinformation, a very rare instance of misspeak, or even a faulty transcript. Besides, if you yell loud enough that you aren't wrong - then you aren't!

    • 4

      Debate in a Controlled Environment - When all possible, never debate someone, especially a learned, skillful debater, in a neutral zone. In order to maintain your image and track record, always try to control your debate situation by controlling your opponents microphone and/or ability to speak. When your opponent gets out of hand or starts scoring too many points, simply shut his microphone off, cut to a commercial break, or have him removed from the studio. These little tricks come in very handy.

    • 5

      It's Ok to Let Loose - Even though you pride yourself on being fairly conservative and a champion for family values and culture, a little hanky panky never hurt anybody, especially when nobody(especially your wife) finds out about it. But try to keep this type of play confined to your work environment; those sexy young interns at the office tend to be pretty frisky and willing. But remember to never compromise yourself on the phone or allow yourself to be recorded espousing naughty things; you never know when something like that might blow up in your face!

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