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How to Survive a Horror Movie

A monster is hiding in your house, out to kill everyone there. Or you're stranded in the middle of nowhere in a town with a legendary curse. Or you've wandered too far into a creepy forest in the middle of the night. You know you're stuck in an awful horror movie story, but the question is, how do you survive?

Instructions

  1. Inside the House

    • 1

      Do not engage in sexual relations. Those who do are the first to die in the movie.

    • 2

      Move out of the house if it was built on any type of burial ground. Sell it for any price.

    • 3

      Never say "I'll be right back" if you have to leave. You will not come back.

    • 4

      Don't answer the phone unless you're expecting a call. If you don't know the voice on the other end, hang up immediately.

    • 5

      Don't take a bath, or even take any clothes off. Monsters aren't just killers, they're perverts.

    • 6

      Do not run upstairs or downstairs. If you make it to the basement, you'll be trapped, and if you make it to the attic or roof, the only way out is to jump.

    • 7

      If you get out of the house, don't get in your car. The monster will be in there.

    On the Road

    • 8

      Keep your spare gas can full. You do not want to run out of gas.

    • 9

      Never pickup hitchhikers, especially ones carrying power tools.

    • 10

      Do not stop in a town that looks deserted. You do not want to find out why.

    • 11

      If you hit something in the road, keep driving. Don't go back to find out what you hit.

    • 12

      Always make sure your back seat is empty.

    In the Woods

    • 13

      Believe any story the old people told you. It doesn't matter how crazy it sounds or they seem.

    • 14

      Keep a light with you at all times. Anything with fire is best because you'll likely have to burn something.

    • 15

      Never split up with your party. If anyone suggests that you do, kill them.

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