Many people think about writing a personal memoir at some point in their life. However, few actually do it. Writing a memoir can seem daunting—where do you start? It doesn’t have to be intimidating, though. Writing a memoir should be a celebration of your life and what you have learned from reflecting on it. It may be painful to reflect upon certain experiences, but writing a memoir can help you to work through that pain and let it go. A memoir can also help readers learn from what you’ve been through.The key to writing a memoir is to put yourself back in the moment that you are writing about. Allow yourself to experience the thoughts and emotions you were going through then. It’s important not to block them out; instead, let them flow. Be honest with yourself; that is key. Don’t write what you wish you were thinking; write honestly, even if it is embarrassing at times. Readers don’t want a perfect narrator; they want a narrator they can identify with. If you seem too perfect, they won’t believe you, and they won’t want to read on. Good writing is driven by character development, and the narrative should show how you have changed and grown over time.
The other characters in your story are an important part of it, too. To capture their individuality, try doing some character sketches by journaling about everything you remember about these characters. You can start with more abstract details, writing about how a character is “good-natured” and “energetic,” for instance, but try to get more specific, too. What are some examples of these behaviors? In what specific ways has this person changed over time? As you get more concrete in your recollections and writings, the characters will come across more vividly.
So, where to begin? Memoirs come in all shapes and sizes. Some are about a shorter period of time, revolving around a powerful event and how the author reacted to it. Some encompass the entire span of a person’s life. If you want to write about a specific time in your life, you may already know where you want to begin. If you are writing your life story, you’ll probably want to do some idea-generating exercises. Freewriting is a basic tool that any writer should be comfortable with using. Begin with a topic--a memory, scene or character--and just write. No restrictions, no limits, except that you don’t let your pencil stop moving. It’s okay to get off topic, because the point of freewriting is to help you generate new ideas. Write for fifteen or twenty minutes, or longer if you wish, and then see what you’ve come up with. What ideas do you want to explore further? Maybe you remembered a scene from your childhood that you’ve forgotten, and the memory is so poignant that you want to include it in your memoir. Another helpful way to generate ideas and decide what to include in your memoir is to make a list. It’s similar to freewriting in that you’re just listing any and all scenes, events and people who stand out in your memory. The more you do this, the more you remember. Keep your notepad handy, because throughout the next few days you’ll undoubtedly remember more. Keep an open mind about what you might write about; just let the ideas flow. Then do some freewriting about the ones that stand out to you most.
Go back to a scene; close your eyes and imagine yourself there. What do you see, smell, hear, taste or touch? The more detailed and specific the description, the more vivid it becomes for the reader. You may not know if what you remember is fully accurate; memory often fills in details that weren’t really there. That doesn’t much matter, if it feels true. As long as you’re true to yourself, the other characters, and the events that took place, it doesn’t matter if you fill in some of the smaller details that you don’t remember. Just make sure they mesh well with the feeling you get from the memory. For instance, maybe you’re thinking of your grandparents’ attic, and you don’t remember what you heard in the background on that particular day. However, you do know your grandmother loved listening to Mozart. If the sounds of Mozart playing faintly from downstairs mesh with the feeling the memory gives you, let Mozart play.
In your freewriting and self reflection, what patterns do you see in your life? Ultimately, a memoir should not be a set of loosely connected experiences; it should show a journey in which you change from one experience to the next. We all have many stories in our lives, but to fit your writing into one book, you’ll have to think about which particular story you’re going to tell. It’s similar to a novel, which has a theme (or several) and shows rising action, a climax and usually at least some resolution revolving around that theme. Often, the theme doesn’t emerge until a draft is nearly completed, or even later, so you don’t need to worry about imposing a theme on your work. You should be aware, however, that it’s something that will grow from your writing, and in the meantime, you should think about how the events you might write about relate to one another. For instance, after generating and exploring different ideas, a writer might decide to write about her relationship with her father and how it affected her relationships with men, or a writer might focus on his experiences as an immigrant and how they shaped the pattern of his life. Another writer may focus on how she had to overcome prejudice throughout her life. Different patterns can (and usually do) emerge in any piece of writing, but the key is to show how they influence you throughout the time period of the story, rather than writing short disconnected snippets.
Later, once you’ve finished a draft or made a good bit of progress with it, you can develop a compelling introduction that nicely frames your narrative. Your story doesn’t have to be chronological, of course, so the introduction could be about an event that happens midway through the story or even at the end. Lee Gutkind discusses how to frame a story in “The Art of Creative Nonfiction.” He points out that some writers, and a number of films such as “Forrest Gump,” frame the narrative with a scene that begins and ends the story. When this scene is at a major point of conflict or resolution, it makes the reader read on, he says, leading them right into the action. By reading a lot of memoirs, you’ll be able to decide what type of structure works for yours.
As you write, you should work in personal reflection with the narrative. You undoubtedly have insights now that you did not have during the time periods you’re writing about, and they should fall naturally into the writing. Look at Annie Dillard’s “Pilgrim at Tinker Creek” or “The Snow Leopard” by Peter Matthiessen for examples of how this can be done. Notice also how the descriptions of scenes are interwoven with character development, which drives the plot. When all of these elements are working together, they enhance each other and make your writing more compelling. A first draft of a memoir will be far from completed, so you shouldn’t worry about everything being perfect, but when you revise, you can look for ways to do this. Read other people’s memoirs to see what works or doesn’t work.